The right questions
Always interrogate the question and verify the assumptions. Especially when dealing with areas that have outsized potential impacts on your life.
Most people never question the question – do so and you instantly unlock more critical thinking. You angle of attack is important and is usually the primary influence on outcome.
The right targets
Don’t fall into the trap of going after something without really drilling into why you want it, what it will look like if you attain it, and what comes next. It’s cliched but many people are stuck in loops they internalised at an early age and never since questioned.
Why do you want more money? More cars? More holidays?
It’s fine to want these things, but you should be crystal clear in your definition of success and make sure you want what that will bring.
The right reasons
If you’re anything like me your drive to develop your self is driven by a foundational dissatisfaction with your current state. I think this is the dark secret behind the whole industrial self development complex which always frames it as ambition and optimism.
I think it’s critical to smell the roses while planting your next flower bed.
Nobody needs to undergo self-development. I think most people will benefit from the style of self-dev that I’m referring to, but you shouldn’t use it as a distraction from your baseline experience of the world.
Motives, Skepticism and Playfulness
I’ve used the word “right” a whole bunch here. But every idea, source, and pronouncement should be taken with a grain of salt. Media is awash with people proclaiming “hard truths” and “5 steps” to happiness. People can only write from their own perspectives – there’s something to learn from every interaction, but readers and writers shouldn’t pretend that anyone truly has it figured out.
And I believe we should always be careful to avoid taking ourselves too seriously. Fragility comes from trying to curate and hold on to our identities too carefully. Be playful, don’t be too hard on your self. Assume good intent as motive, and if that’s too hard, ask what you can learn from it.